It has been wonderful. Now, while he sleeps by your side after a sex session worthy of having been recorded in 4k for posterity, you look at him and … Is it possible that you’re feeling something? Good sex can lead you to love, or at least to believe it. Can we fall in love with someone at the first orgasm?

You may not have much topic of conversation, not many things in common, that the thing is not particularly fluid … Or yes, but not to go crazy, at least not with certainty. However, the moment you get into bed, everything flows in an amazing way.

Yes, in bed you connect. Sex is so good that you would spend hours and hours by your side. You feel so comfortable that you have come to consider the possibility that it is more than a simple affair even though such a brutal connection does not seem to cross the border of the bed.

It has not happened only to you, the reality is that it is not so strange to feel (or believe that we are sorry) something for someone with whom “alone” we have good times of sex in common. And why do I say “alone”? Because if in addition to having a great time in bed with that person you connect outside of it and have future plans together there is nothing more to say: it has all the ingredients for the thing to prosper.

Is it possible to fall in love in bed?

Helen Fischer, a renowned researcher at the Kinsey Institute, focused for years on the neurobiology of love, says that it is possible to fall in love after having good sex.

According to this author, on the one hand the stimulation of the genitals activates the production of dopamine, a neurotransmitter involved in feeling “romantic love”, and on the other hand orgasm causes oxytocin and vasopressin, hormones related to attachment.

This cocktail could be key to predisposing the person to feel affection towards their sexual partner, a spell in which it is easy to fall. If we also repeat several times, several days … it does not seem strange then that the thing begins to generate doubts.

However, chemistry is not unique or sufficient for us to consider that “something else”. There are other factors that, together with it, can effectively lead us to think that that person with whom we share such good times in bed is more than a lover (however good it may be).

Chemistry and more

It is not only chemistry that is responsible for doubting: the recipe for confusion has other ingredients.

  • The meaning we give to things

What we understand by intimacy, for example, will influence the interpretation we make of this situation.

If we believe that doing certain things with someone implies an intimacy that goes beyond sex (hugging “after”, looking at each other and kissing in a concrete way …) and this person is doing them we may start to think that there is something plus.

But it is important that we keep in mind that this definition of intimacy is very very subjective, and what for you is obviously something of “level 10” may be level 3 for the other.

  • What we seek / want and expectations

You may not be aware of it (sometimes we are not) but deep down you are looking for a relationship. When we want something, when we have made a decision, our brain goes into “confirmation mode” and looks for evidence that we are correct in doing so.

I give you an example on another topic so you can see it more clearly: if you have decided to leave your partner you will not stop seeing “signs” that confirm that you are correct in wanting to put an end to your own.

The reality is not that your partner has become terrible in recent days (or at least no more than it was when you decided to leave him), is that you are focusing your attention on those things that confirm your decision. We do this to be able to move forward, to move faster when it comes to decision making and goal setting.

In the case of wanting to have a relationship (or at least not close to it) and being with someone with whom sex is really good can lead you to focus attention precisely on what is going well for you, on what you do well together, avoiding everything that is not so spectacular or that is simply not happening (and should be given to be a complete and real crush).

Sometimes, and this does not happen only with good lovers, we fall in love with the idea we have of the other, with the idea of ​​love. We overlook what we don’t like or don’t have. But it is ours, it is not real, and the sooner we see it, the better.

How to distinguish a lover from a love

You may touch the sky every time you have sex, but is there anything else? These are some things you should keep in mind to distinguish a lover from a budding love.

    How things are outside the bedroom. I do not mean how is sex in the bathroom, but how do you feel with that person in another context that is not purely sexual. Is the conversation fluid? Does time pass quickly when you are together … and dressed? If chemistry only works when there are no clothes, you may have to consider that the thing is only limited to sex, there is no more.

    In other places, with other people. Do you see yourself going with this person to your sister’s wedding, your best friend’s barbecue or your grandmother’s birthday? Sometimes decontextualizing someone, imagining it in other situations helps us realize if there is something else or not.

    Do you feel like doing something else with this person besides sex? Stop and think about it for a moment, do you really want to go to the movies, have dinner, have breakfast or go to Ikea together?

    Future projection. Can you imagine a future with that person? Live together, go shopping together, buy a flat, pay a mortgage … do you see it or is it blurred? When we fall in love, we easily project into the future because we seek commitment, you can establish plans together. If you don’t see yourself (or don’t see him) like that, maybe it’s just sex.

    Support for. Let’s say you have a problem or that someone has hurt you, would you turn to this person for support? Would it be your first option to tell him something about the office? When we are in love, when we have a relationship that works, intimacy is something fundamental, and that happens to have confidence in the other person, to see him as a source of support, is this the case?

    Have you talked to your friends about this person? If you have not done so, why is it? Maybe you have the answer there. In case you have done it, what have you told them? Sometimes when talking about this to third parties when we really do not see that it is something else, we tend to try to sell it well, to wrap it in wrapping paper … to justify ourselves because we are not clear about it either.

If thinking about these things has not made it clear to you, let’s go with one last: describe it. Don’t keep reading until you’ve done it! You already have it? Now write to your ideal partner (ideal but realistic, not ideal Hollywood).

Well, let’s compare. Do you have what you want and / or need? How have you described him? If most of the things you have written about this person are about “how good you are” and there is little about how it is, perhaps you should consider that you have fallen into the trap of good sex.

The pleasure and intimacy that sex entails, enjoyment when it is good, hormones and what we seek can be combined to lead to total confusion: will it be love? Clear the doubts: if it’s love, great, and if not … great too, a good lover is not something you find every day, so enjoy it.

Sources:

https://www.thrillist.com/sex-dating/nation/female-orgasms-i-love-you-relationship-advice

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/sex-is-better-for-women-in-love/


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